


Love is Illogical

by dedicatedfollower467



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Eavesdropping, Fluff, M/M, Prompt Fill, Requited Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:10:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1881129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dedicatedfollower467/pseuds/dedicatedfollower467
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim knows he and Spock will never be a thing. That why this crush is so monumentally stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is Illogical

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this for two prompts over on my Tumblr. The first: 
> 
> "Love is illogical, it means nothing to me." Kirk/Spock. Bonus: Kirk's the one saying it, and he's not mimicking/mocking Spock. :D
> 
> The second simply asked for a continuation of the first - how could I refuse?

Jim slides his hands over his face, pulling down his cheeks and jowls because it’s the only way to express his exhaustion. Bones sends him a wry grin and pours him a gin and tonic. It’s not Jim’s first choice of drink, but at this point he’ll take anything.

"So what is it this time," Bones says. It’s not even a question. "Klingons? Starfleet muckity-mucks? Chekov mouthing off on the bridge again?"

Jim shakes his head. “Nothing like that,” he says. “Just a good old-fashioned case of lovesick.”

Bones waggles his eyebrows. “So some lady out there has captured the good captain’s heart, and she’s  _not_ the ship?”

"Might be even more helpful if it were a she," he mutters.

Bones hears it. “He?” he suggests. “They? Xe? Ne? Per?”

"He," Jim says, and Bones nods knowingly.

"Kinda figured it’d be him."

Jim looks up at Bones. “Why are you so sure you know who it is?”

"I’ve got a pair of working eyes, Jim. Anyone can see you’re over the moon for him, though God only knows why you picked that pointy-eared hobgoblin."

Jim droops his head over his drink. “Well, I always pick the ones that are going to break my heart.”

"Yeah, and you’ve got it bad with this one. Just don’t wreck this ship on this crush, okay Jim?"

"Love is illogical," Jim declares. "It means nothing to me. I may not be able to control my feelings but I won’t sacrifice this ship for love."

Bones laughs and tilts his head. “I think your ears are going a bit pointy there, Jim.”

"He’s right, though," Jim says. "It  _is_ illogical, and it  _shouldn’t_ mean anything to me, not when I’m his commanding officer and the ship has to be our first priority.”

Bones pours him another glass and then raises the bottle in a salute. Jim hadn’t even realized it was empty.

"Well," says Jim, "here’s to loving someone who won’t love you back."

"I’ll drink to that," Bones says.

* * *

 

Spock does not make a habit of eavesdropping on his captain. For one thing, it is impolite and unprofessional, and for another, he rarely needs to resort to eavesdropping to hear the content of those conversations, because Jim usually tells him at some point anyway. Between himself and Doctor McCoy, Spock doubts there is anything Jim Kirk does on this ship that is entirely unknown.

So he’s not entirely sure why he slows down when he hears Doctor McCoy refer to a “pointy-eared hobgoblin.” After all, it hardly unusual for the two men to be discussing himself, and Doctor McCoy’s cantankerousness and casual racism are common enough that they hardly warrant Spock’s behavior.

And yet he does slow down outside the door and starts to listen in actively. Perhaps it was something in the doctor’s tone. Perhaps it is Jim’s body language as he slumps over what appears to be an alcoholic beverage.

"Well, I always pick the ones that are going to break my heart."

Spock has to agree. Jim often falls for women with whom he will be unable to continue lasting relationships. What he is unable to comprehend is why matters of Jim’s love life would come up in a conversation about Spock. Also, why he is still standing here outside the door, listening. He should either enter or continue on his way.

"Yeah, and you’ve got it bad with this one. Just don’t wreck this ship on this crush, okay Jim?" the doctor says.

"Love is illogical," Jim declares. "It means nothing to me. I may not be able to control my feelings but I won’t sacrifice this ship for love."

Spock feels himself catch a breath, and must force himself to breathe out again. He has never heard Jim espouse this view of romance before. Theoretically, he should be proud of his captain for his noble and logical thought processes in this matter. Instead, the words seem incongruous and inconsistent with Jim’s character.

Doctor McCoy laughs. “I think your ears are going a bit pointy there, Jim.”

"He’s right, though," Jim says. "It  _is_ illogical, and it  _shouldn’t_ mean anything to me, not when I’m his commanding officer and the ship has to be our first priority.”

Spock is still not entirely certain whom the conversation concerns, but he has a hypothesis. He considers confronting the captain immediately, but hesitates, and decides to return to his room instead.

* * *

 

Jim is maybe a little tiny bit tipsy. He probably shouldn’t have had the fourth gin and tonic.

He doesn’t embarrass himself getting back to his room, which is a relief. He’s not really drunk, but he’s buzzed enough that there’s a good chance he will make a fool of himself at some point here, and it’s nice that at least he’ll be in the privacy of his quarters when that happens.

Someone buzzes at his door, the little whistle announcing their presence. “Come in,” Jim says, half-sitting against the edge of his desk.

It’s Spock. Of course it’s Spock. Who else would be knocking on his bedroom door at midnight after he’d been drinking and is ready to do something incredibly stupid?

"Mr. Spock," he says, crossing his arms and grinning. He can’t help grinning when he sees Spock. "What brings you here tonight?"

Spock has his hands behind his back. “I wondered if you would be amenable to a game of chess, Captain,” he says. “Although it appears that you are somewhat indisposed presently.”

"I’m fine, Spock," Jim says, although he knows that he won’t be anywhere near a match for his first officer like this. "Don’t just stand in the doorway, come on in."

Spock enters and the doors swoosh shut behind him. He still has his hands held behind his back. “I do not think it would be just of me to take advantage of your inebriation, Captain,” he says, although Jim can hear the hint of a tease in the tone.

Jim feels his cheeks stretching as his grin spreads. “Maybe so,” he says. “You know how strong Bones makes those drinks.”

Spock nods. “Although I have not personality experienced Doctor McCoy’s beverages, I have concluded such from your behavior after your evenings with him.”

There’s a short pause while Jim’s cheeks try to touch his eyebrows and Spock’s eyes go slightly squinty.

"Actually," Spock says, more solemnly. "Your evening with the doctor was the true reason for my visit. The chess was merely a pretext."

"Why?" Jim says. "You don’t usually come over afterwards."

"I overheard a part of your conversation with him which troubled me."

Jim tenses, and he knows the instant after he does that it was a bad idea, because he sees Spock notice the action and knows that Spock knows that Jim is nervous. He and Bones talked about a lot of things tonight, it doesn’t have to be  _that_ part of the conversation, there’s absolutely no reason to assume that Spock overhead their discussion about Jim’s massive and apparently obvious secret crush on the Vulcan.

"What’s troubled you, Mr. Spock?" Jim says, trying to play it casual.

Spock takes a step closer. “It is illogical to deny one’s feelings, Jim,” he says.

Jim chuckles. “I thought you’d be proud of my emotional restraint.” He is definitely not panicking or steeling himself for a massive disappointment.

"Although I applaud your desire to prevent emotion from ruling your life, it is illogical for anyone to repress emotions. Vulcans are trained in the act of disciplining emotions so that they may be expressed in a controlled manner and environment. As a human, you have received no such training, and must instead bury your emotions and refuse to acknowledge them. Such behavior is both unhealthy and unwise, as strong emotions, once buried, are likely to reemerge at inconvenient times."

"Wow," says Jim. "That was quite the lecture."

"Jim," Spock says, now quite close. "If you have romantic feelings for someone on board this ship, I believe you should acknowledge and express those feelings. Love is never illogical."

Jim licks his lips. He’s about to do something incredibly stupid, but his heart is egging him on and his brain is too slow to stop him.

He surges up and kisses Spock on the lips.

* * *

 

Spock was not expecting this. He had not factored in Jim’s inebriation and had not guessed at the depth of the man’s desire. He is unable to truly respond to the kiss, standing completely frozen and still.

Jim pulls away, licking his lips. “Ah, crap, Spock, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

Spock feels numb. “Fascinating,” he mutters.

"Look this doesn’t have to change anything between us. It’s a stupid crush, I’ll get over it, we can still be friends, we can still be professionals, you’re great at compartmentalizing and - "

Spock stops Jim by raising a single finger and placing it on the other man’s lips. The nerves in his hands tingle with the sensation of the touch. “Jim,” he says. “Being the object of your desire was not entirely unanticipated. The kiss itself was the unexpected thing.”

"Oh," says Jim. "Oh! So does that mean…"

Spock moves his finger to trace Jim’s jawline. “I am open to the possibility of a romantic relationship with you, Captain.”

Jim groans at that and pulls his head away. “That’s right,” he says. “I’m still your commanding officer, Spock. That’s a whole host of ethical issues I don’t even want to think about untangling.”

"I believe I am quite capable of giving consent, Jim," Spock says. "I am a Vulcan and as such unlikely to be swayed by intimidation tactics posed by my superior."

Jim sighs. “You know Starfleet won’t see it that way. And even if they’re okay with that, there’s the whole conflict of interest thing.”

Spock once again reaches out to touch his fingers to Jim’s cheek. It’s incredible to have this privilege. “We will navigate it. And if you are truly concerned, we can have Doctor McCoy assess whether our relationship is consensual.”

Jim laughs and looks up at him. “What are we talking about all this stuff for? Kiss me.”

Spock leans down, but as he gets closer, he smells alcohol on Jim’s breath. “You’re drunk,” he says, pulling away again.

"What?" says Jim. "I’m not drunk. Maybe a little bit tipsy. Buzzed. Not drunk."

"You are inebriated and incapable of consenting," Spock says, feeling his chest go tight. "I’ve taken advantage of you, to obtain a confession. I will take my leave of you now."

"No!" Jim grabs his shirt and holds him in place. "No, Spock, dammit, I’m not letting you worm your way out of this."

"Captain," he says, because that stopped Jim last time. "I’m not certain that —"

"Spock. This is simple. Do you love me?"

"I—"

"Do you. Love. Me?"

"Yes," Spock says.

"And I love you. So what’s the problem?"

"You’re drunk," says Spock.

Jim sighs. “I’m not drunk, Spock. Look, do you want me to go down to McCoy and tell me I’m sober enough to consent?”

"It would ease my mind," Spock says.

Jim chuckles. “You know what? I’m tired tonight. But come back here this time tomorrow night and I’ll be here, fully sober and ready for you.”

Spock allows his eyes to narrow slightly in pleasure. “Chess, Captain?”

"I think we can manage some chess as well," says Jim.

Spock nods and turns to leave. But just as he reaches the door, Jim calls out.

"Spock," he says.

Spock turns, and Jim walks the short distance to stand in front of him. Then the captain takes Spock’s hand and lifts it up, manipulating until his first two fingers are raised and pressed together. Smiling, Jim presses his own fingers to Spock’s.

Spock bends down and presses his lips against Jim’s, tasting his mouth again, smelling the hint of alcohol. “Good night, Jim,” he says.

"Good night, Spock."

 


End file.
